I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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