are you still at the devil's house?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
