well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
