Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
