And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
