On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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