absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
