Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
