i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize