We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
