break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
