In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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