oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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