I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
