That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
