You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
