I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize