Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
