$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
