Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
