a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
