the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
