there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
