I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
