I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize