Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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