How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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