Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
