My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
