Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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