i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
