my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
