so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
