i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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