Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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