No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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