he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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