i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
