Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
