ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need moral support for this bender
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
