My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
