i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
