I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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