I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
