I want to have your abortion
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They took my balls.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
