my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
