Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
