Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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