You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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