she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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