Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
