This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
