I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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