I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
