i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
