i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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