she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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