K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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