Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
