if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You took a bar mat shot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
