Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
