i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
