remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
