oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
either way he was missing a nipple.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
