Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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