Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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