If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
