I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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