i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
