I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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