You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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