At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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