I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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