goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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Found the puke drawer
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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