WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
