saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You made out with two different species that night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
