I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
